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Gaslight Follies
May. 6th, 2025 12:57 pmFriends,
I have waited more than a year since Deadname broke up with me.
I figured it was the decent thing to do to let Deadname control the narrative and adjust the parameters to fit their concept of reality.
At the beginning of 2024, Deadname found out I was deliberately choosing not to return to their country for another year because of the massive hospital bills accrued in the quest of saving John's life. I'd been exhausted and terrified for most of the end of 2023 due to John's illness and eventual hospitalization.
My real friends did not kick me while I was down.
But one of my false ones did.
My crisis counselor, JL, kept referring to Deadname as a grifter and a narcissist, but I kept arguing with JL and saying no, Deadname was not like that.
JL then said "Tell Deadname you are not going to be able to send any more money to them, and I'll bet you within a week, Deadname will want to break up with you."
It didn't take a week.
It took around SIX HOURS.
In that six hours, Deadname changed my access to our mutual accounts, told me they had changed their mind about wanting to remain close, told me privately that they hoped we could still be friends, then COMPLETELY IGNORED ME from the beginning of 2024 until now, which is mid spring of 2025.
I apologize to everyone who warned me about Deadname and their tendencies.
You were all correct, and I did not listen.
However the upside is that I have learned more about gaslighting and narcissism in the last year and a half than I otherwise would have, and for that I am grateful.
I'm healing.
And I'm writing about this in gory detail somewhere that Deadname will never be able to find me.
If you give a shit about me, please don't go bother Deadname. They are thriving in their new garden of eager listeners, and as for the old ones who have figured out all of their tricks?
We are escaped with the skin of our teeth and can get on with life.
I doubt I will say anything else about them in as public a forum as this anyway.
But there it is.
Thank you again to everybody who helped me heal.
I have waited more than a year since Deadname broke up with me.
I figured it was the decent thing to do to let Deadname control the narrative and adjust the parameters to fit their concept of reality.
At the beginning of 2024, Deadname found out I was deliberately choosing not to return to their country for another year because of the massive hospital bills accrued in the quest of saving John's life. I'd been exhausted and terrified for most of the end of 2023 due to John's illness and eventual hospitalization.
My real friends did not kick me while I was down.
But one of my false ones did.
My crisis counselor, JL, kept referring to Deadname as a grifter and a narcissist, but I kept arguing with JL and saying no, Deadname was not like that.
JL then said "Tell Deadname you are not going to be able to send any more money to them, and I'll bet you within a week, Deadname will want to break up with you."
It didn't take a week.
It took around SIX HOURS.
In that six hours, Deadname changed my access to our mutual accounts, told me they had changed their mind about wanting to remain close, told me privately that they hoped we could still be friends, then COMPLETELY IGNORED ME from the beginning of 2024 until now, which is mid spring of 2025.
I apologize to everyone who warned me about Deadname and their tendencies.
You were all correct, and I did not listen.
However the upside is that I have learned more about gaslighting and narcissism in the last year and a half than I otherwise would have, and for that I am grateful.
I'm healing.
And I'm writing about this in gory detail somewhere that Deadname will never be able to find me.
If you give a shit about me, please don't go bother Deadname. They are thriving in their new garden of eager listeners, and as for the old ones who have figured out all of their tricks?
We are escaped with the skin of our teeth and can get on with life.
I doubt I will say anything else about them in as public a forum as this anyway.
But there it is.
Thank you again to everybody who helped me heal.
